Getting Back Together with the Ex - Is it a Good Idea or Not?
People often wonder if they should get back together with an ex girlfriend or an ex boyfriend. Maybe your ex calls and says they miss you and made a mistake and now want you back, or you’ve decided that you walked away from what might have been a good thing and hope that you can get a second chance.
Here are some questions to ask yourself to help you decide if moving on is the best choice, or if you should to rekindle an old flame.
1. Do you want your ex back because you’re lonely and still hurting and think that getting back together with them will make you feel better?
Sometimes you don’t really miss the person you just miss having someone there by your side or a warm body next to you. And if time has gone by and you haven’t met someone new, you may think that you've made a mistake and yearn for what you had. Thinking of getting back together to avoid being alone or to side step the feelings associated with a break up will not only keep you stuck in a relationship rut, but you may miss out on finding the wonderful partner that’s out there waiting to meet you. Avoid the temptation to step back into something just because it helps you to avoid the short term pain.
2. What will you do to make sure that the problems that led to the breakup don’t erupt again?
It’s important to have a plan on how you will work on dealing with the problems that caused the breakup in the first place. There is no point in getting back together after a break up only to break up again. Just because time has passed does not mean that things will be different. You need to address the issues that led to the break up so that you have a better chance of long term love this time around.
3. Is your ex willing to take responsibility for their half of the relationship?
There is only so much that one person can do to keep a relationship together. If the other person isn't willing to work on the relationship and deal with their own personal issues then it's not a good situation for you to be in. If your ex didn't seem willing to work on the relationship before then it's highly unlikely that they will this time around, especially if they were the one that broke up with you.
4. Have you worked though your own relationship issues and challenges?
You have to look at the things you did to contribute to the breakup. If you don’t deal with your issues, they will eventually bubble up again and sabotage the relationship. Many of us harm our relationships by acting in destructive ways like being jealous, controlling, or acting on our insecurities. These actions can get in the way of establishing a healthy relationship. If you don’t get to the root of why you act this way, you are bound to replicate them. Gain an understanding about why you behaved that way and work on addressing them so that you can have a different experience this time around.
5. Are you tempted to get back with your ex because now you can't have them?
We can be tempted to revive an old relationship because the other person isn’t ours anymore, or they are with someone else. It’s important to ask yourself if this is the case so that you get to the bottom of what is motivating you to reconnect with your ex. If you try get back together based on the feeling of wanting to have what is difficult to get, you may ultimately be unsuccessful and frustrated and just end up alone again, or if you are able to get them back, the excitement of this feeling will wane eventually anyway. So get clear about what you want and why you want it.
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